“There is no bad whiskey. There are only some whiskeys that aren’t as good as others.” – Raymond Chandler
Holy moly, people. I’ve stuck with a weekly theme post for two whole weeks! How long does it take to make something a habit? 21 days? That means that I’ll have the Weekly Whiskey set by either next week or the first Wednesday in April, depending on how the habit-establishing thing works.
As promised, this week I mixed up The Merry Irishman, a wonderful concoction that made my stomach warm and my limbs heavy. I tried singing Molly Malone while I mixed, but realized as I belted out, “Freedom’s just another word for nothing left to looooooose!” that I was actually singing Bobby Magee. Oh wells.
2 oz Irish Whiskey*
1 oz Kahlua
1/2 oz Peppermint Schnapps
Put ice into a rocks glass. Add all of the liquors – All the liquors? ALL THE LIQUORS! – and stir with the candy cane. Drink it.
*NOTE: The recipe calls for Tullamore Dew, but I stuck with my buddy, Jameson. I did this for three reasons: 1) I already had a bottle of Jameson; 2) I thought the liquor store guy would think I had a drinking problem if I bought a second bottle of whiskey in less than a week; and 3) I wouldn’t know the difference between one whiskey and another if it slapped me in the face.
I enjoyed this beverage, though I had to sip and not chug as it was made entirely of alcohol and threatened to burn my esophagus if I drank it too quickly. I learned that if you leave the candy cane in there long enough, it will eventually melt and turn into a minty soup, thick and surprising at the bottom of the glass. I also learned that drinking that minty soup seems like a good idea until you actually do it. There is such a thing as too much mint.
This whole whiskey endeavor is a serious undertaking, let me tell you. Each recipe calls for new things, so my liquor tray (the tray upon which my liquors sit) is getting quite crowded. I am considering adding the contents of my liquor tray to my insurance inventory. If my house were to go down in flames, the monetary loss from the destroyed alcohol should be claimable.
Next week I’ll turn up the heat by making the classic Irish Coffee. Since I failed to wear wool while making merry with the Merry Irishman, I’ll make it up to you by putting on some wool socks and scooting around my kitchen in a makeshift jig. I predict that doing so will result in catastrophe. La la la la la, Bobby McGee!
“Love is not to be purchased, and affection has no price.” – St. Jerome
I AM: SEEING Oliver (right) and Rose (left), buddied up and ready for cuddling*
*Not by me. Rosie would chew my face off if I tried to touch her.
“One could do worse than be a swinger of birches.” – Robert Frost
If there’s one thing I love most in life, it’s mentally decorating. I somewhat enjoy actually decorating, but actually decorating requires physical labor and the spending of money, both of which can be strenuous and nerve-racking so I only somewhat like doing it. But since mentally decorating requires little more than imagination and scrolling through Pinterest or Houzz, I love it more than whipped cream on a caramel latte. (And that’s saying something.)
I have always known that I have expensive taste, which is completely not apparent when looking at me in my pilled sweaters, scuffed shoes, and messed up hair. My expensive taste comes into play when we’re talking about THINGS, and home decor THINGS at that. I may wear a 17-year old sweatshirt with tatty sleeves when I go to the store, but I will not tolerate cheap-looking laminate flooring.
Contradiction, thy name is Canary.
Until now, my champagne taste/beer budget hasn’t adversely affected me. I have not been emotionally scarred by my lack of marble countertops or the absence of a Gus*Modern sectional sofa. I’ve whined about it, sure, but it hasn’t been a topic covered in therapy. But then I bought a house, and suddenly my life is incomplete without marble countertops and a Gus*Modern sectional sofa. (Though by “marble countertops” and “Gus*Modern sectional sofa” I really mean “expensive British wallpaper that requires professional installation and freakin’ liner paper.”)
Like everyone in the world, I have fallen in love with Cole & Son’s Woods wallpaper. I usually fall out of love with something once everyone else starts loving it, but those damn birch trees have me so smitten that I am willing to ignore their promiscuity. Only…
… the paper is extremely expensive (hello, $120/roll), requires a perfectly smooth wall for installation (hello, need to repair my walls before I can install), also requires a special liner paper before going up (hello, extra day of installation and more supplies), and is made of ACTUAL PAPER (hello, it has no protective coating and is therefore non-spongeable).
I have – had – this vision of putting Woods up my stairwell where the birch trees could grow tall and stately in their starky black and whiteness. “It’s only two walls,” I thought. “That can’t be more than a couple of rolls of paper,” I mused. “I could buy the paper AND hire an installer and still have money to spare!” I deluded.
(NOTE: I don’t want to do the installation myself. I couldn’t draw a straight line if my hand was tied to a level. Also, my stairwell hits 11′ at its highest point and I don’t have ladders or scaffolding or the desire to climb 11′ to hang paper on a wall. Crookedly.)
The installer guy came out this weekend and took measurements. As he measured, he explained that the paper I chose was “touchy.” He detailed its requirements. He told me about the extra time it would take for the skim coat and liner paper installation. I nodded and made knowledgeable agreement noises, all the while picturing those damn trees and how awesome they would look in the stairwell, especially after I have new flooring put in and switch out the banister.
My brain was doing a bit of Photoshopping. Like this:
Why yes, that is a plaid carpet runner you see on the stairs. Snazzy, no?
But even with all that Photoshopping, all my wallet sees is this:
- 6 double rolls of paper
- $750 for installer’s time, wall prep and repair, skim coat supplies, and liner paper
- 3 to 4 days to install
Total cost: $1,436.
Stupid champagne taste.
And that is why I only somewhat like actually decorating. Actually decorating is never as good as mentally decorating, which is ever so much cheaper.
“It’s easy to believe in magic when you’re young. Anything you couldn’t explain was magic then. It didn’t matter if it was science or a fairy tale. Electricity and elves were both infinitely mysterious and equally possible – elves probably more so.” – Charles de Lint
I AM: SEEING the Elf on the Shelf balloon during this year’s Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade
“It’s simple. If it jiggles, it’s fat.” – Arnold Schwarzenegger
I AM: SEEING my jiggly cat-boy, surveying his kingdom from the back deck
Happy Thanksgiving, everyone! This year I am thankful for my new home and that my cat is too fat to make a break for it through the deck balusters. And mashed potatoes!